One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
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