he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
