It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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