the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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