so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
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I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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