My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
