So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize