please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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