The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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