I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
