Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
