OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
