if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is the high leading the old right now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
