Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
