I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
