I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
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did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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