she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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