There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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