I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
