Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
