I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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