Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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