guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
