He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
