I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Im part way to drunk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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