i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
