I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
