btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
