You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"