Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class