new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
