Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.