Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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