Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying

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  (773): I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying http://tfl.nu/t0mj
  Replies (1) Good night (1166) Bad night (1153)
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  (530): View more from California

  My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.

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  (530): My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower. http://tfl.nu/udbm
  Replies (16) Good night (740) Bad night (5698)
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  (951): View more from California

  This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.

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  (951): This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago. http://tfl.nu/53yc
  Replies (6) Good night (869) Bad night (4111)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.

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  (704): I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home. http://tfl.nu/daw2
  Replies (5) Good night (977) Bad night (2392)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?

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  (303): Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog? http://tfl.nu/kw07
  Replies (13) Good night (1893) Bad night (2775)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.

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  (816): It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain. http://tfl.nu/o28o
  Replies (1) Good night (1401) Bad night (635)
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  (925): View more from California

  We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.

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  (925): We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely. http://tfl.nu/80gj
  Replies (7) Good night (2788) Bad night (704)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.

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  (580): So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep. http://tfl.nu/hhhj
  Replies (3) Good night (897) Bad night (2049)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?

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  (719): We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You? http://tfl.nu/a56a
  Replies (6) Good night (2241) Bad night (719)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk

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  (508): I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk http://tfl.nu/le2i
  Replies (1) Good night (413) Bad night (577)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.

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  (314): Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree. http://tfl.nu/qbkd
  Replies (0) Good night (766) Bad night (311)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom

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  (509): I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom http://tfl.nu/w8ef
  Replies (1) Good night (436) Bad night (199)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead

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  (317): considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead http://tfl.nu/6tfn
  Replies (4) Good night (437) Bad night (140)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.

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  (605): Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop. http://tfl.nu/lhlx
  Replies (1) Good night (499) Bad night (104)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  he had hair everywhere except his balls

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  (208): he had hair everywhere except his balls http://tfl.nu/i1j7
  Replies (2) Good night (164) Bad night (343)

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