I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
