??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
ttyl tear gas
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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