Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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