She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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