drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
