I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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