Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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