Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
