matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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