about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
