Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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