drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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