apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
