Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
