I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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