a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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