Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
