i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
