its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
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I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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