You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
