That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
