I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ttyl tear gas
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
