Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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