Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
