Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
