what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
