a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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