you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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