Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
