I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
