if you like me you must not know who I am
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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