I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize