He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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