I want to walk on stilts...naked
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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