Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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