Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
