I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
