May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
