4 words: hood of his car
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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