Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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