Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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