where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
