Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
