I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
