I'm so fucking centered right now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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