Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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