yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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