TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize