just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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