I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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