okay pat passed out under dana's car
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
