I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
