i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
