how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i love accidental penises.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
